he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
