I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i came on her dog
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
