I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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