Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
