I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
