one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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