We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
