She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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