so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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