i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my being single is dangerous.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
