he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
