awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize