that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
