By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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