and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Welp...herpes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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