We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
