She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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