Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
