i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
