please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My pussy is not your playground.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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