sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
