There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize