and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
