A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
