I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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