My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
