the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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