how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
