At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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