Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
