Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She said her name was "party"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
