Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize