These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
