i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
