White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
