you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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