My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
