Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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