Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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