tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
