There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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