i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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