Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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