lets start a swedish sibling band together
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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