Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize