i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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