You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
