3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize