I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
