dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
