sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
