you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
