if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
