im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
