I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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