actually, I'm a sock model
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize