I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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