They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
