oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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