We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
