Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
