Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize