My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
