I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
