if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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