the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize