I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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