can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
