He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
