I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
