He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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