i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize