my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
