Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
