I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
