I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
