If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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