Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
