Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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