If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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