he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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