I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
