dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dignity is for republicans.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
