someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
