His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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