While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
