I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
