i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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