at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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