just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come on in and take your pants off
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