But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
