Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
