I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
