Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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