he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
