i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
