apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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