Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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