There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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