did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
