By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
