I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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