So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
