Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
