The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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