I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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