this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
