That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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