your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
