Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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