I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
