I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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