so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize