wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
