Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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