why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize