im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
