That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize