Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
