birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
